Too much thinking

It is 6 a.m. and I am angry. Haven’t slept properly in two days. Some sort of headache and a touch of fever. And a lot of thoughts that won't give me peace. But mostly the headache.  Perhaps the cold has finally got me. Perhaps it is because I should spend more time outside in the fresh, albeit freezing, air. Could be something else entirely. I am thinking I should do more exercising. Do stuff that involves using many muscles. That is the fate of people who prefer thinking over moving. So I am angry because it is cold and I have to get out of bed when I finally started to relax. Took me forever to fall asleep last night. I am angry at the phone because it did exactly what I, in a moment of lucidity, programmed it to do. It forced me to leave the warmth of my covers, get dressed and leave the house hours before any rays of light from the sun showed their face in my corner of the planet.

Mom urges me to hurry because I will miss the bus. I know I won't because it is only 6.08 and the bus never, ever comes before 6.30 a.m.. But mom is the kind of person who thinks being on time means arriving half an hour early. The practice rubs on me so I get fearful sometimes. What if the bus will come earlier. Just to spite me. Today, of all days, when I have to be on time and there are no other busses to take me there by 8.30. My fear is that it was so cold over night the driver will not be able to start the bus and won’t come at all. Coming late is no problem. It is better than not at all.

I close the front gate behind me and trudge down the road. The bus station is almost half a kilometer from my house. I must first reach the main road, that is 250 meters ( I know the exact distance because there’s 50 meters between two electricity poles, and I pass by 5 of them). Once I reach the main road I am safe, I can signal the bus to stop if I haven't reached the station.

A little bit down the road I hear an engine in the distance. I look towards the bus station. I haven't reached the trees, I can still see all the way there. A vehicle that looks like a bus slows down close to the station. It is white. My heart starts to pound. What am I gonna do if I miss it? How am I gonna get there by 8.30? I start to run, all this time thinking the bus is always red so why am I running? This could be another car. But why has it stopped in the bus station? I try to keep my mouth closed while running. Too cold outside. I really like my voice just the way it is and certainly do not miss a sore throat. I run, even after the bus-looking vehicle speeds in front of me, no chance in hell of catching it. My mind starts to process. What to do? What to do? I will wait until something comes, anything, that will take me to my dentist’s appointment, 48 kilometers west of my town, in the county capital. Why couldn’t I have chosen someone closer? We have a dentist in our town. That easy. Or, there is one in a neighboring town....  Well, wouldn’t be me if I took the easy road. (The real reason is that I wanted quality and from what I heard from patients of our local dentist, she was not for me.) Anyway, I run, I reach the main road and I am relieved, there are some people in the bus station which means the bus is yet to come.

It is still night. Snowed a bit. Not enough to protect the plants in the garden from frost. I like it all the same. It looks good in the bus’ headlights. I love travelling in the dark. It brings back interesting memories. A few years back, when I had to commute 80 kilometers almost every day from one town to another, most of the return home trips happened at night. I sometimes stood in a bus full of people for the duration of the ride , two hours, but I had my headphones on and none of it mattered. I had listened to many hours of The Once and Future King and loved every moment of it. There is something about that book that is just too good to be able to describe.

This time the bus was full but I had a seat of my own. I don’t remember the last time I had to stand on a trip. People do not travel as much as they used to on public transportation. They either have cars of don’t have the money.

I like travelling at night because it opens up my mind. I usually take to time to work out plot details from my stories. Sometimes, my mind just wonders off, depending on the music I have.  Can’t wonder of too far with Adele’s album because I cannot relate a personal experience with any of the songs. You know how it is sometimes, lyrics aren't always important. If the music makes you feel good, that is all that matters.

In any case, I was looking at the road ahead  as soon as the bus left the areas with public illumination and plunged into the heavy darkness of night I wondered what would it be like if zombies suddenly appeared on the road. (Six seasons on The Walking Dead can do that to a highly imaginative person.)  I could almost see them  being hit by the bus. I hope the driver will be able to keep his cool and move on.

Then, without warning I am thinking of ordering some bulbs for spring as soon as they become available. I saw a few rare lilies on a website. I must have them.  I always think about that. I will not stop until I order some.

But what if we are run over by zombies? What then? What will happen to my cats? (I don’t recall seeing any cats on TWD. I wonder why. Have they all died? Are they in hiding?)

I arrive in town around 7.40. Have time to go to the market and buy some winter gloves, the kind you can work with in the cold. They said it was gonna snow this week. Not much, but it will. I have time to take a town bus to the dentist. She sees me at 8.15. Finish by 8.50. It feels weird to have something in your mouth after so many months of getting used to without it. But it is good. I will go back in the spring for more work. It is good to take care of your teeth.

It is snowing in town. Also, there is this killer wind. Not powerful, just freezing. I have to get back to the market and get mom some kitchen towels. She insisted. Said she’ll kill me if I don’t get her a few. Buy a few bathroom towels for me as well. Cannot hurt and I like what I see.

I look at my phone. The shopping list is short but not from this part of the town. Must go back the way I came from the dentist. To do that, I must take a town bus again. To get to the bus station I must walk through the flowers market and make a shocking discovery. All they have on display are funeral decorations. I am thinking: many people die during winter. ‘Cause it’s too darn cold.

 

The rest of the story is boring. The next bus home, the same with which I came, is heading back at 1 p.m.. It is only 10.00 a.am.. I can get warm wondering through three supermarkets near the bus station. I can go through the shopping list then just relax.

An hour and a half later I call mom to tell her I am bored to death and very tired of pushing the cart around the supermarket. I ask her if she wants something else. To give me purpose for another 5 minutes. Then it is back to boredom.

I discover toys can be creepy.

 

I remember I want new dust bins. New energy for me. Soon to go away when I discover I don’t like any of the ones I see on display. Perhaps they don’t make them the way I want them anymore. I give up. I know a place that has a much bigger offer but I will not go there until close to spring. That is when they bring bulbs and new plants for me to buy. I have many interesting cacti from there.

On the road back, poor Adele sings to no one because I fall asleep and don’t remember hearing a few of the songs. It is good, I guess. I always feel better after a nap on the bus. I notice it snowed some more during my absence and I take a few pictures of the road that takes me home. I do it now because I know I will be too lazy to walk all the way here for a picture then go back. Though I should, it is good for one’s body. And what can be better than a stroll during winter? The air could not be cleaner. Maybe later.